This past two weeks has been hard for me, I rushed myself into making a decision. The decision is not good either way, both decision would hurt me and others in some ways. The funny thing is, I can’t explain my reason to make this choice. Whenever this thought came to my mind, I cried, every single time. I don’t know which decision that will stop me from crying. I just think I don’t belong here, but then, I think I’ll miss it here, I’ll miss everything here. I think I hate it here, I hate being here, I always wanted to be away from here. It is an unstoppable conflict with my own self.

 These two weeks I’m not doing so well, I skipped classes,  most of the mornings I just sit on my bed and make a blank stare at my roommates, and started thinking again. I have two tests and one quiz last week, but what I did is, I only stared at my books. Lucky me the quiz was cancelled as the lecturer was concerned about us having one quiz, and two tests in the freakin same day. And.. another test was cancelled, leaving us taking only one paper, which I can barely answer.

My friend came to my room, she noticed how different I turned out this semester. I noticed it too, my laugh doesn’t seems real, am I even real? Idk.